Facebook opened. It was a time machine. The news feed wasn't endless video; it was status updates. “Sarah is eating a bagel.” No ads. No Reels. Just pokes and photo tags and a “Wall.”

A progress bar appeared. The old, spinning gear of iOS 3.1.2 churned. It took four minutes. The little speaker grille got warm. Finally, the icon resolved itself: the old deep blue square, the white ‘f’, the subtle glossy shine that Steve Jobs once adored.

He tapped the icon. It looked like a cartoonish, low-polygon version of its modern self. The app opened, and the familiar blue “New” badge appeared. But when he searched for “Facebook,” the results were a graveyard of forgotten software. AOL Radio. iHandy Level. Tap Tap Revenge.

No Facebook.