You are not a vending machine where you put in "niceness" and get "love" in return.
We all know Marta Martínez.
Marta was raised on a very specific, very toxic diet of praise. Every time she put her own needs aside, the world rewarded her. "Marta, you are so mature for your age." "Marta, you never complain." "Marta, you are the perfect daughter." El Sindrome De La Chica Buena Marta Martinez ...
She is angry at her boss for piling on work. She is angry at her friend who always cries on her shoulder but never asks how she is. She is angry at her partner for never noticing that she does all the invisible labor—the meal planning, the gift buying, the emotional calendar.
So, dear Marta Martínez, here is your permission slip to be a little "bad." You are not a vending machine where you
Until the answer is "yes," she will remain a prisoner.
Here is the dark secret that Marta keeps in her chest: She is furious. Every time she put her own needs aside,
For thirty years, Marta has honored that contract. She says "yes" to every favor. She apologizes for having a bad day. She explains her emotions in a soft voice so nobody feels threatened. She has perfected the art of shrinking.