Mom-son -1- Access

This is Part 1 of what I’m calling our “Mom-Son” series. Not because I have it all figured out—heaven knows I don’t—but because I need to write my way through this strange, beautiful, heartbreaking transition.

My son, who used to hold my hand crossing any parking lot as if letting go meant falling into a black hole, pulled his hand away. Not rudely. Not even consciously, I think. He just… dropped it. He walked three full steps ahead of me toward the library door, his shoulders squared, his chin up. Mom-Son -1-

For ten years, I was his sun. He orbited around me: my schedule, my voice, my hug at the end of a bad day. Now, slowly, he is building his own gravity. This is Part 1 of what I’m calling

I raised this boy from a squalling, milky newborn. I cleaned his scraped knees. I sang him lullabies at 2 AM while the rest of the world slept. And now we communicate in knuckles. Not rudely

I will not make him feel guilty for growing up. I will not cry where he can see me (okay, maybe just once). And I will learn to love the fist bump, even while I miss the sticky, small hand in mine.

He’s not pushing me out . He’s practicing who he is without me for a few moments at a time. And honestly? That’s the whole point of this parenting thing, isn’t it? To work ourselves out of a job.

A fist bump.