True or false: You have, at some point in the last week, performed happiness for an audience of one — a spouse, a parent, a cashier, a pet. You have smiled the smile that costs calories. You have said “fine” when fine was a lie so large it had its own gravitational field.
Consider the octet: eight people in a room. A support group for people who have been asked to review a manuscript of a support-group story. The story within the story is about a support group for people who can’t stop imagining the inner lives of strangers. The leader of that group, let’s call her Beth, says: “You’re on a bus. The woman across the aisle is crying. You don’t know why. But you construct a tragedy for her — dead child, fired, cancer — and you feel a small, clean grief. That grief is not compassion. It is a way of not having to look at her face.” octet david foster wallace pdf
One of the members of this group (the outer frame) raises a hand and says: “Is this supposed to be about me? Because I feel accused.” The facilitator — a man with a beard that seems designed to communicate sensitivity — says: “That’s the mechanism. Accusation is the first layer of honesty. The second layer is: so what?” True or false: You have, at some point
Fill in the blank: The hardest thing to say to another person is not “I love you” or “I’m sorry” or even “You were right.” The hardest thing is ____________. Consider the octet: eight people in a room
If you wrote “I need help,” you are sentimental but not wrong. If you wrote “I don’t know who I am when you’re not looking,” you have been in therapy. If you wrote nothing, you are either very healthy or very dishonest. The octet’s eighth member, a woman named Louise who hasn’t spoken for three meetings, finally whispers: “I’m not sure I exist when no one’s watching.” The bearded facilitator nods. “That’s the octet’s thesis,” he says. “You exist as a function of attention. Including your own. Which is why loneliness feels like disappearing.”
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