School - Of Chaos Classic

By Friday, Patricia had failed all her classes, passed Advanced Procrastination by accident, and turned her ruler into a pet snake named Ruler. She was voted Most Likely to Unravel Reality by the student body. She cried tears of joy that tasted like glitter.

The first lesson was Gravity. Or rather, the optionality of gravity. Professor Helix, the chronomancer (who was perpetually stuck in a bowtie from 1973), announced, “Today, we will learn to fall up .” He pointed at a student named Kevin, a perfectly normal boy who just wanted to learn algebra. Kevin rose three inches, then turned into a yodel. A passing philosophy student argued that Kevin was still a boy, just a yodel-shaped boy. Kevin’s mother called the school to complain, but the phone melted into a thoughtful sigh. school of chaos classic

The chaos had a rhythm, though. A strange, burping rhythm. Every time a rule was broken, a new law of physics would sneeze into existence. One day, fire was cold. The next, silence had a color (it was chartreuse, and it was loud ). The duck—his name was Gerald—became the Dean of Applied Nonsense. His lectures were just him quacking while the chalk wrote equations for perfect sandwiches. By Friday, Patricia had failed all her classes,

In the beginning, there was the Word, and the Word was “Oops.” The first lesson was Gravity

The chaos recoiled. Bob the star dimmed. The bottomless pit of couches became a shallow bowl of mildly uncomfortable stools. Professor Helix’s bowtie snapped straight. Patricia began handing out syllabi. The horror.