Spiderman 1-10 -

It has been twenty years since Tobey Maguire first caught that tray of cafeteria food, and in that time, Hollywood has done what Hollywood does best: milked the radioactive spider for every last drop of web-fluid. We are now somehow living in a timeline where there are ten mainline Spider-Man movies. Not ten good ones. Ten of them.

The Lost One The only film on this list that doesn't exist yet. Delayed endlessly. Rumored to be three hours long. Will Miles save his dad? Will Gwen’s dad quit the force? Will we ever see it? The legend says that if you stand in front of a Sony Pictures building and whisper "Canon event," a producer appears and delays the release by another month. Spiderman 1-10

The One That Started It All The holy grail. Kirsten Dunst’s upside-down kiss in the rain. Willem Dafoe’s unhinged "Godspeed, Spider-Man!" Green Goblin. The only crime this movie commits is making us believe that a New York crowd would throw bricks at a hero instead of filming him on a Nokia 3310. It has been twenty years since Tobey Maguire

The Funeral Electro is a dubstep villain. Jamie Foxx is blue. The Green Goblin looks like a rejected Harry Potter house elf. And then… that ending . The death of Gwen Stacy is so devastating that the studio literally had to cancel the franchise out of sheer guilt. Andrew Garfield cries, and so do we. Ten of them

Here’s to Spider-Man 11 —may the web never break.

The Skater Boi Reboot Andrew Garfield brings the quips, the skateboard, and the chemistry with Emma Stone that could power a small city. Unfortunately, he also brings a mystery about his parents that nobody asked for. The Lizard looks like a rejected Power Rangers villain, but Gwen Stacy’s brains save the day. For now.