The Mortuary Assistant Switch Nsp -eshop- -

I heard a locker slam in the hallway behind me. Not in-game. In my actual hallway. The cat arched. The Switch vibrated once—a low, guttural pulse that didn’t match any controller rumble I’ve felt before. The screen displayed a single line of text:

“Don’t look under your bed.”

I laughed nervously. The cat stared at the bathroom door. It was closed. I don’t have a bathroom connected to my living room. The Mortuary Assistant Switch NSP -eShop-

Night shift rules: check all six coolers. Identify the host. Burn the correct sigil. I opened Cooler 4. Empty. Cooler 5. A child. Cooler 6. The body I’d already embalmed—Mr. Henderson—was back inside, still wet with my incisions. Except his mouth was open now. Wide. Something dark dripped from his tongue. I heard a locker slam in the hallway behind me

Five stars. Never playing again. The Mortuary Assistant is out now on the Nintendo eShop. Download if you dare. And if the game asks for your blood type… lie. The cat arched

Welcome to River Fields Mortuary. You are the new assistant. Your duties are simple: receive the deceased, log their belongings, perform the embalming, and file the paperwork. But tonight, the morgue is restless. A client has arrived with no name, no cause of death, and eyes that follow your every move.

The game doesn’t let bodies move. I read the patch notes. They don’t move.